May 16 2017 - My Loneliness is an Elven Boy?

Human Speaks

My first impulse in the morning is usually to write. Even though I've got a new mandala making its' way to my action-surface, when I sit down at my desk I grab my pen first.

Does anyone want to read anything anymore? In the land of live videos and graphic art montages, who wants to slow down and read some boring old words? 

I felt a constriction in my high heart and throat chakra when I wrote that. Great feedback, body. 

Soul Level Awareness- Emotional Body Scan

What do we intend for today? Well first, we are grateful to wake up into the life we live. We can feel our Self active, fulfilled, living a purposeful, abundant life. When we go deeper, though, we are feeling sad. What is this?

We are feeling like no one wants us again. Life maybe God doesn't want us. 

What is the lesson here?

The Fairy Elf Boy

This sadness brings us to a dark forest.

We are something like an elf, a fairy boy with a pointed red hat. We are leaning against a thick tree, seated on moss-covered ground. This boy feels lonely. Off in the distance there is a clearing, and a group of other fairy elves are there. They are all dancing around merrily, wearing blue pointed hats.

The boy feels conflicted. He WANTS to feel like he belongs, but at the same time he Believes that he Does Not. There is something he likes about the melancholy sadness of being alone, of being different. His sadness makes him unique, special. Feeling special allows him to love himself, and it allows his Little Mind to feel important and defined. 

Human: What of this fairy boy? 

Higher Self: YOU are the fairy boy. Let his loneliness sink into you. 

Human: I feel it. It makes me want to get up and do something! To become engaged with the world. I am a social creature! Self imposed isolation is a cage. I see now I've lived much of my life this way. 

Higher Self: Yes! Free your spirit! Drop your facade and run wild through the trees. When you approach the clearing, sit at the edge and watch for a while. Let yourself lie back and roll around on the grass, if that calls you. When you're ready, ask to join the game. Dare to notice how the "blue hats" are similar to you, instead of how they are different. 

Closing Reflections

I Am What You Are, We Are One! I can choose to notice what is different between us, or I can choose to notice what is the same. Either way, I can learn who I Uniquely Am. The question is, do I want a side dish of connection, or loneliness? 

Relax, Beloved Ego. We understand your resistance to sameness. At first glance it appears that you will be annihilated by the relentless light. Let yourself open to it, and you will see the true brilliance of your Self, as you also recognize the brilliance in others. You will see your blue and magenta soul light up and join the party. None of God's unique expressions is boring! Relax into the peace of knowing, and feeling, All is One. 

Journey with a Fairy- May 9 2017

Human Speaks

I feel blocked. Like I want to cry but the outlet is not available. There is nothing wrong, just a feeling of a stream pushing up against a dam. What is it that wants to come through? How can I relax my body and mind even further, to allow the stream to flow freely? 

My mind wants to grab, outfitted as it is with innumerable little hooks, similar to those you would find on a burr. Nothing sinister, just a great number of effective attachment points. " How will you satisfy me?" it says. " I am restless. I need something". 

"What do you need?" I ask. 

"Occupation. I am restless."

Perhaps we should meditate, then. Occupation for the simple sake of it seems like it could be a waste of time. 

Soul Speaks

Space, and Openness, Openness, and Space. These feelings of resistance, they are like little dams scattered all over the body. Two in the shoulders, one in the jaw, another in the heart. Moving as I target them. No, I won't chase you. I will sit in stillness and invite you to come to me. 

Human Speaks

I see the cause of the dams. Today, we explore our relationship with money. There is a limiting belief surfacing-  the belief that there won't be enough. I am afraid of restrictions on freedom. I am afraid of restrictions on expression. I am afraid of restrictions on giving. I am afraid of restrictions.

As I write I can feel the fear lifting like a fog on a summer morning. 

We are the Sun. We control our own weather, and will come any time you call.

Journey to the Temple of Light and Song

I am seeing a fairy now, crouched at the base of an enormous moss covered tree. She has iridescent pink, gold, and blue wings. She is gathering something. She stands, and beckons me to follow. As we reach a wall of ivy, she parts it and reveals a beautiful natural garden, full of ponds, streams, ripe fruit trees, various grasses and mosses. She invites me to enter, and as I walk into the garden, red poppy flowers spring up on the path around my feet.

We approach another moss covered tree, and the fairy and I sit down together. She hands me what looks like a golden loaf of bread, and instructs me to eat it. I take the bread from her, examine it for a moment, and then bite into it. My mouth explodes with golden light, and instantly we are flying high above the garden. I see the brilliant colors of the Eden below, and beyond that the trees are grey, dark, and dead.  I see beings slumped forward, chains on their wrists, gloomily picking up rocks from a big pile, and moving them unceremoniously to another pile.

I look ahead and see the sun rising over a beautiful green mountain, which juts out of a brilliant blue sea. The wind gusts, and pushes me to the left. Soon the fairy and I dive down into a thick canopy - the Jungle of Peru. A golden temple appears, adorned with symbols and tribal art. We land, flat before a set of stone steps. We walk up the steps together, the fairy and I. At the top there is an opening, leading down into the darkness of the temple. We look at each other, clasp hands and jump, floating down to the bottom, wings fluttering. As our eyes adjust to the dark, we see an altar in the center of the room. One torch lights spontaneously, then six. There is a scroll, covered in symbols I understand intuitively. The fairy and I turn to each other and hug. She disappears into my body, and I am alone. I sit on the stone floor with my legs crossed, just as a column of golden light begins to stream down into the top of my head. The light runs through my body and into the hard floor. The floor beneath me lights up, illuminated through a network of cracks - more symbols. The light becomes so strong it blinds me. The entire temple is now ablaze with golden white light.

YOU ARE THE SUN.

All of a sudden I am seeing the temple from up in the sky. It is absolutely blazing with golden light. When the temple reaches some kind of magical frequency, it begins to sing. The light and sound column generated through the temple penetrates the earth, lighting up a network of gridlines. The golden column extends up into the heavens as well, connecting to a central sun, which is Me. 

Never fear, child. This is the Truth of Who We Are. 

The Return

 I find myself floating back down to the tree in the Garden of Eden. The fairy has returned, and she is eating a red apple. She hands me one, and I take a bite out of it. The sweetness of the apple is a shock to my mouth. I swallow it and feel it slide down my throat and into my stomach. I see the red peel in there, still recognizable. I think about how it will remain that way for a while, maybe for its' entire journey through my body. 

I realize I've been sleeping. I vaguely remember the fairy kissing my forehead, and brushing my hair away from my face before leaving me. My body is vibrating in a pulsing pattern. I stand up and make my way back to the wall of ivy. As I walk back through the forest on the dirt path, little woodland animals come to greet me. I thank them, and drop seeds and berries from my pocket for them to eat. 

"Share. Share everything" an internal voice whispers. "Hold nothing back. This will release your dams and restore your flow. Have No Fear."

May 13 2017- In anticipation of Shadow

Credit To My Son James For Transcribing This Article!

Human Speaks         

Ive been waiting for a shadow to surface all week. I can feel it bubbling out of my cells, accumulating in some kind of holding pen. Gray and black pressure, hidden pain. A previous version of myself may have responded to this sensation with sadness or angst. "Why do I feel this way? What has gone wrong in order for this feeling to occur?". My mind would respond to these questions, noisily searching for a solution to this "problem", cycling through all of our known "emotional and vibratory frequency management tools". 

Now, though, I feel a bit of excitement in anticipation of meeting this shadow. Every wound I uncover can be healed for the good of all. Every bit of pain I process has tremendous value - not only to my own Self but to all of humanity. Each bit of darkness, of shame, of shadow obscured from the light, is a part of who We Are, dictating our experience of life and determining the contribution we each make. Most of the time we can't see our shadows, because they are buried deep within our subconscious minds. Imprinted programs from childhood play out behind the scenes, influencing our thoughts and emotions, creating our experience. These programs are made visible through "triggers" or, emotional responses to people or situations which seem out of proportion to that which is occurring now.

Getting triggered can be a very uncomfortable experience indeed. Not only is it a shock to suddenly re-experience the original wound, but we usually carry judgements around our pain as well, which cause further suffering.

Not only am I feeling the pain of the wound itself, I create additional pain and stress in my body by feeling ashamed or embarrassed about my pain, or about my behavior surrounding the pain! 

Becoming triggered presents an opportunity to heal a wound which subconsciously affects your entire life, and also to practice the radical acceptance necessary to ascend into the Kingdom of Heaven. One of the most valuable services we can provide to others then, is to hold a space of unconditional love for pain to flow into. Pain is resistance. It is that which has been suppressed, that which has not been welcomed into God's Kingdom. And since everything is God, it is no wonder this denial causes a disturbance in the Universe!

Soul Speaks - Closing Prayer

Let us have courage. Let us witness each other fully, until all darkness has been brought into the light. One of my soul sisters said recently "We are Here to Walk Each Other Home". These beautiful words carry so much meaning. Yes, we are all reminding each other of Who We Are. Whether you are in my life to trigger my unhealed wounds, to witness All That I Am, or to hold my hand and walk by my side in beauty, I Honor You. I Honor Your presence, Your Being-ness, the part you play in this intricate Cosmic Dance. I see you, I feel you, I am you. Thank You For This Opportunity To Serve.

May 10 2017 - It's Getting Personal

This morning's journal entry began with a response to a question posed by the magical Joanna Green, "what does spirituality or being spiritual mean to you"? 

Human Reflects

To be spiritual is to care. It is to be aware of the consequences of your actions, your thoughts, your words, on many levels of truth. It is the scientific hypothesis, the educated guess in the dark. And then, it is forgetting. Forgetting what you've learned about yourself, about the world. Because the world is born fresh every day, in every moment. 

Spirituality is stillness. We must be still in order to feel the subtleness of life, the gentle whispers of familiarity between Us and All Things. 

Spirituality is curiosity. The curious have supple minds and magnetic hearts. They are full of hope and determination, willing to turn their backs to the known, vulnerable and unprotected, for the chance to discover something new. 

James in 2008. Toddlers are masters of curiosity.

My Body Speaks - Energy Orgasm

Time to switch gears. These musings on spirituality are not flowing through me in the way that satisfies my craving for expression. Sometimes I want to feel the river rushing past my ankles, feel my jaw water as my face dissolves into the wind. I want to use my mouth and tongue in ways I never have before. They are aching to feel a geometry, a vibration I've not yet learned to pull through. 

I want my face to become a percussion set. I want to be fed by the pulse of my heart, its' green and gold glow feeding and pushing the blue wildness of my percussion face. 

Then, I want my center of power, my solar plexus, belly, and the top of my hips to rock and sway, moved by the red coil at the base of my spine. I want to feel the center of the earth, magnetically connected to my body. That hot white light traveling up, toward my bare feet. I want to feel it wrap around my legs, pushing up mercilessly into the base of my spine. 

I want to feel my hands move involuntarily. I want to feel their magic, feel them touching, melting, rearranging the world. I want to feel my heart pour through my hands, to give a body the pure ecstasy of loving touch. 

I want to create a container of silver white love, an impenetrable fortress of fertile emptiness, where the tension of separation reconfigures itself into perfect magnetic alignment. 

Ohhhh, I can feel the orgasm building, pulsing from deep within my genitals, rising up into the belly. My heart is full, drawing love's current down through the top of my head, stretching the heart's chambers. This pressure meets the rush from below, exploding into a blinding ecstasy, rocking and rolling my body, back and forth in waves. ~*~*~*~*~*~

Coming down, I settle gently into a cross legged seat on the ground. Hands outstretched, palms facing upward, I turn my attention to the All, allowing Love's Current to join Us in a gentle chorus of AUM. 

May 5 2017 - I love to do this!

Human Speaks

Whenever I approach my sacred altar of creation, I feel lifted. I truly love to do this. I Love to Do This! What joy to be able to write those words. Until now, I couldn't answer the questions "what do you love to do?" "What are your passions?". 

There was nothing I loved to do. There were things I enjoyed somewhat, and moments of excitement or contentment, but nothing which resembled Love and Passion. 

But now I have YOU! My pen and paper, colored pencils, and gel pens. I am so grateful to have discovered these methods of expression, and that I finally allow myself to express. This is what was always missing from my life. Art!

Soul Speaks

I am a Writer, I am an Artist. My entire life is an art project. My purpose is simply to embody the Divine, and to make that Divinity accessible and available to all who wish to interact with it. That is my Why. 

At this time I have no desire to direct the outcomes of my life, or to have intentions regarding the effects of my creations. I only wish to create, and allow the Source to do its' good work. 

How should my work affect people? That is not for me to decide. I must dedicate myself fully and completely to the task of joining my Spirit with the One Source God/Goddess I Am. 

Along this journey, I will share my human-ness. We need to be human in experience if we are to bring the Remembrance of God to this world. We've got to connect on the human level. 

I now ask Spirit to lead us toward our heart's desires. It is clear to us now that we are Creators, Way-showers, and a resource of Love. Our Spirit grows bright and alive when we express our heart. Our greatest sadness would be lack of support from our Universe, losing the opportunity to bring our Light into the world. This purpose seems as vital to us as the need for survival. 

Benevolent Guide Speaks

Do you see how you still doubt yourself child? Relax into your power. Trust that you belong here, that you are worthy and wanted. Your precaution has served you. It has kept you honest and humble as you made your way back home. But now, you must show up boldly. You will lose some people, and some will think degrading thoughts about you. But others will be glad to tears at the sight of your torch. Imagine the relief and joy you could bring to someone who is searching for a light in the dark? Trust also that when you bloom, many will walk by without even noticing. But others will be inspired and love struck by your beauty. 

Your true power is as a creator. What do you wish to create for this life? Anything you wish to create is worthy. You are God. All creations are valuable, even the ones we find disgusting or abhorrent. This being the truth, shine! Shine brightly. Believe that they have been asking for you. Though you've experienced life and you have a hard time believing you are wanted, Believe that the Divine will be Welcomed Back Home.