Human Speaks
Anxiety has fully implanted itself into my body. I can feel a change coming, an expansion perhaps. I recognize this feeling from the few times I've started a new job after being at home for a while. When you become complacent and comfortable in your space, growing out of it hurts. I miss waking up and feeling hopeful, high, and lifted.
Confession: Sharing my Darkness
Yesterday I was hit with a wave of "Oh my God, why have I created my life this way". I realized I have been wasting the gifts I've been given - not sharing them to the best of my ability, allowing myself to be held back by laziness and fear. The pain of not fully walking one's path is intense and confronting. All of my resistance to being seen, to "putting myself out there", is now visible. I'm terrified of being seen in any way at the moment. I feel like I'm facing my biggest fears and blocks.
The trigger point for this realization was a retreat being held in Sedona by my coach Jocelyn Daher,and collaborative partner Bentinho Massaro over the Lion's Gate portal this August 6-9. The name of the retreat is
THE RISE OF SHEPHERDING CONSCIOUSNESS
I BELONG THERE. My soul lights up in response to this, and my story is, "I can't afford it". It was then that I realized I haven't created a life that supports the expansion of my soul and my mission of service. WHY AM I NOT SUPPORTING MY MISSION WITH ABSOLUTELY ALL OF MY RESOURCES?
FEAR, DOUBT and APATHY. That's why. Clinging to short term happiness because I don't quite believe in long term success. The limiting belief of "you can't have it" hides itself well, deep inside the cells. How can we excavate these? How can we illuminate them and release them from the field?
I miss myself, I miss God. I miss feeling connected to the cause. I feel empty, morphed into a strange monster-like cave creature. Hiding.
My Higher Self Speaks - This is Who we Truly Are
I Am the Shepherd. No One Need Rescue Me, As I Usher Myself out of the Cave and into the Light. I Have Come To Be My Own Rescuer. I Carry the Light of Christ as My Salvation. Feel My Easy Strength. There is Nothing to Fight Against. By the Light of my Staff All is Drawn Up and Out of the Cave. Look for My Light in the Darkest of Places. Feel it Coming Toward You, and know that you Called Me, an Aspect of Yourself, to Awaken and Shepherd you back Home to God.
Thank you. I would like to love you so brilliantly in my heart. I would like us to slow dance in a bucket of stars. I would like to spin spin spin, until my body vibrates and lifts into an expansive band of consciousness. The relief is palpable, and without human emotion. This is the Eternal Presence, always available as refuge.
A Message to All of You
Love yourself, Love yourself. Relax into your discomfort as much as you can. Remember All is Love, All is God. Allow the Mother Goddess to cradle your head in Her lap, whether you "deserve it" or not. We See You, and We Love You. All Is Well.
